I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
