Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
