it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
