I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
