I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
