I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need a beard to bite.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
