she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
