I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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