She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
