she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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