You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
