Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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