You smell like stripper and shame
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
