How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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