Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
