You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
