You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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