im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
