just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
