Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I did not marry a roomba.
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