Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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