Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
