I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
