Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
