what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
