I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
