This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
