Jerry, you need to find god
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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