So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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