so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
