The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
