i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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