i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
