Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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