Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
