Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Found the puke drawer
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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