We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
