I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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