I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
