hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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