just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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