Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
