so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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