After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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