it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
