3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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