He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
