Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
