I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
