I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
