your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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