Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
