im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
