I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
